It’s day three of my thirty day writing challenge! A tenth of the way through. If you want to set me a challenge, you can do. There is still time, just drop me a comment on the original challenge post. Today I have completed the challenge set by the talented author, Stephanie McDonald.
I was burying evidence from the eyes of a god that may not even be real. Then, hiding my thoughts from myself became cowering in decades of deception. The facts we conceal define our rituals.
An avoidance of admitting the act at the centre of it all. An avoidance of trying to understand the whys. For three long decades, I have lied to myself. It is not complicated. I have always told myself that it was temporary. Fleeting. That there would only be that one more time. That when the time was right, it would end. That I’d have peace of mind. But it is complicated. And it was never temporary.
The rituals that define us conceal us. And the deception of decades made hiding thoughts from myself impossible. I turn my face from you because I know there is guilt in my eyes. I don’t even know what guilt looks like. But it is there.
An avoidance to engage burys the truth deeper. And the gap between us grows. As the sun casts glimmers on the future I offer some honesty. I am truly repentant. I see the error of my ways. I have my reasons though. I had just cause. I was not the only one. It was not me.
The facts that consume us define us. And the gap inside me grows. As my excuses cast shadows on the future, I offer hopelessness. I offer a suggestion of the truth. I offer the reasons I tell myself to keep the hate at bay. I offer the habitual lie.